I Choose Love Campaign

My father said, “We are a part of a very unique and amazing country - you can be anyone you want to be.” These were the words he gave to all six of my siblings. We were part of a small community of black families in a hard working, middle class neighborhood. This was the sustaining foundation I took with me to college where I entered the Miss Delaware Pageant in 1974, and represented the state as the first black Miss Delaware at the Miss USA Pageant in 1976. It wasn’t until I received death threats that I realized how much of an impact my father’s words were. As a child, when I wanted to join the Girl Scouts I remember my arm being yanked by mom as she led me out of the meeting and my wondering what had happened. Over and over there were incidents I didn’t quite understand as a child because my parents never said the word ‘racism’ in our home. They never made it seem like race was an issue. But when I decided to enter a beauty pageant as a teen, things became all too real. Mom, my constant protector, immediately said no. Her fear was that the rejection I would experience through the pageant process would be unbearable. Black was not always considered beautiful. Her denial came from a place of not only past hurt, but love for me not to be hurt. Ever the team, she yielded to my father’s authority in our home. “They are not going to let you compete,” she said, “But you can ask your father after dinner if you want to.” I asked. My father reiterated everything my mother had already said.

They won’t let you…you’re going to get hurt…

No one will let you win…

They’re going to call you nigger…

They are going to do everything to make you feel left out…

Then he said the one thing that changed the game for me. “Now, where do we go to buy a dress and a bathing suit?” My father instilled in me that the color of my skin could only hold me back if I allowed it to. Hard work is still the only requirement to success. My mother was a domestic but she and my father raised seven children. All of us broke barriers. All of us found a level of success. I tell people what my dad told me, “Yeah, you’re gonna get hurt. But fight for what you want because you’re good enough.” That’s the truth and we as a people have to believe it.

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